Apple Made So Much Money in Q1 2015 That They Could Buy Richard Branson, Tie His Legs Together, and Hang Him Upside Down in the Atrium of 1 Infinite Loop While Being Forced to Sing “A Milli” on Loop Day and Night

It’s true. Look it up.

Also, check out what Tim Cook said on the conference call today, particularly:

Demand for iPhone has been staggering, shattering our high expectations, with sales over 74 million units, driven by the unprecedented popularity of iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus. This volume is hard to comprehend. On average, we sold over 34,000 iPhones every hour, 24 hours a day, every day of the quarter.

In 2007, Steve Jobs said that he wanted the iPhone, in 2008, to capture 1% of the worldwide cellphone market, which would have given the company ten million sales over the course of a year. Apple just sold over 1% of everyone on Earth an iPhone in three months. Bananas.

(And, yes, the Apple TV question in Jason Snell’s transcript was from Gene Munster. Collect your prize, reader: a 65″ Apple TV, scheduled for release when Gene Munster stops sobbing into the phone while asking when it’s going to be released.)