Pixel Envy

Written by Nick Heer.

Analyst? More Like Anal Cyst

The headline:

A Celebrity, Not Tim Cook, To Unveil The iPhone 5, Predicts Analyst

First of all, nobody was expecting Tim Cook to be the actual guy saying “here’s the new iPhone”. That’d be Phil Schiller.

So, Apple’s going to send out Alec Baldwin or Nicki Minaj to introduce the iPhone? This should be rich.

The story:

With the Apple press event only a day away, analysts are scrutinizing every detail. The latest prediction may take many iFans by surprise.

“iFans”? Hack writer, but maybe the details are okay.

According to a Digital Trends report, Rob Enderle, head of analyst firm Enderle Group, Apple will “likely” seek the help of a celebrity to introduce the iPhone 5.

Oh, you’re relying on Rob Enderle?

Go on.

“I don’t think Apple is going to have a flop, but it will have real difficulty creating the kind of magic that Jobs was able to summon up. For instance, we’ll likely see a celebrity trotted out at the launch event to help create the kind of on-stage presence that Steve Jobs once had, and Tim Cook lacks,” wrote Enderle.

So this hack writer for Mobile & Apps is going to quote Rob Enderle delivering his classic Steve Jobs magic bit, and present this as serious analysis?

Here’s what Enderle said about Mountain Lion just after the first previews were shown to journalists:

With Mountain Lion, Apple is doing the more traditional thing of just tossing the product out there. But without Steve Jobs selling the magic, folks are having a WTF moment. Instead of seeing the world through Steve’s reality distortion field, they are looking at the product critically and finding it lacking.

Apple says that it’s the most successful release of OS X ever, and it’s received rave reviews.

Just before the third-generation iPad launch, Rob Enderle exercised the same routine:

If Jobs were still around there is no doubt in my mind he’d wrap the iPad 3 and even a possible smaller sibling with enough magic to cause buyers to forget any shortcomings and be amazed. But as we have seen with the iPhone 4S and Mountain Lion, the Apple team just can’t do the magic and that suggests the market will view the iPad 3 as somewhat disappointing.

The third-generation iPad is the best-selling tablet, and therefore the best-selling iPad, of all time.

But the solid turd that is Rob Enderle’s analysis is revealed in an interview he did with Venture Outsource:

And so, without Steve Jobs, Apple has lost its primary product focus – kind of its quality core. Also, it has lost its principle pitchman because the other thing that Steve Jobs did is he could get up in front of an audience and he could convince us of something that we otherwise wouldn’t buy.

I mean, let’s take the iPhone, for instance. It’s basically a direct copy of the LG Prada. The LG Prada didn’t sell particularly well.

The iPhone, of course, has had all kinds of sale records. Almost an identical product, the iPhone was better crafted.

Enderle, in February of 2012, stated that the iPhone is “almost an identical product” to this phone. Why does this guy still get cited?

Well, he’s been torn apart since at least 2002:

Yesterday one of my favorite columnists, Cydney Gillis of the Eastside Journal ran a column about the departure of Linda Stone from Microsoft, using quotes from Rob Enderle of Giga Group, someone I think of as a quote mill, happy to give you a line about anything, including things he knows nothing about.

You can say that again, and again.