Pixel Envy

Written by Nick Heer.

Translation of Selected Portions of Microsoft’s “Mango” Press Release to Plain English

Via Microsoft:

Microsoft said it remains on track to start delivering the next version of Windows Phone to new and existing devices by the end of this year.

We still cannot work out multitasking. Apple got four years to work it out, and we think that’s a good target. Also, note that the apologies I delivered at the start regarding the lengthy rollout of our last update are to be ignored.

Livingston said that Kik’s decision to build for Windows Phone did not come easily. For Kik, and developers in general, building apps and games for a new platform is a major commitment of time and resources.

Developers aren’t sure if developing for WP7 is a good idea. We begged, pleaded with and gave buckets of money to a few because we need something to talk about until the end of the year.

Seriously, this software update is kicking us in the balls.

Microsoft’s Watson acknowledges the current environment from a developer’s perspective. “We’re not the first choice for many developers right now — we know that,”

We’re not even close. Have you seen our market share?

Other new apps and games include Skype, Australia-based airline Qantas, the game “Plants vs. Zombies,” and the augmented reality app Layar. Microsoft also announced that the wildly popular game “Angry Birds” will be available at the Windows Phone Marketplace beginning on May 25, 2011.

Remember your iPhone just a couple of days after the App Store launched in 2008? That’s us! Right now!

Since the release of the first Windows Phone 7 Developer Tools last year, more than 38,000 developers have registered with the Windows Phone Marketplace. In addition, there have been more than 1.5 million downloads of the Windows Phone Developer Tools, which have resulted in more than 13,000 apps and games that are now available.

In the past year, we’ve equalled the amount of apps available six months after Apple launched their store. We must be doing something right.

Research firm IDC forecasts that by 2015, 20.9 percent of smartphones shipped will be powered by Windows Phone.

IDC also measured my toddler’s height and predicted it would be 38 feet tall when it turns 20. Shiiiiiiiit.